Why Refuge?
CrossPointe Downtown was established on January 13, 2013, at the Downtown Orlando YMCA. It was formed as part of the CrossPointe family of churches, with significant support from each of the existing CrossPointe congregations.
Leadership Transition and Challenges
In October 2015, following a moral failure of the former planting pastor, I was called by the elders of CrossPointe to lead the young and vulnerable congregation. Together with the leadership of CrossPointe Downtown, we believed in the church's bright future. My wife and I never anticipated how difficult and beautiful this journey would be. From 2016 to 2020, I faced some of the most challenging times of my life, both in ministry and my personal life. In 2016, we moved our family from Lake Nona to the downtown area to be closer to the community we felt called to serve. In 2018, all CrossPointe churches became independent from the "One Church, Many Congregations" model. In early 2019, I lost my father to a stroke at age 60, which required me to manage his estate, including selling his engineering firm, and moving my mom and family up to Clermont from South Florida.
These experiences, while necessary for my growth and the church's health, left me weary, battle-worn, and exhausted. As a pastor, I felt like a failure because there was little evidence of the effectiveness of my hard work. Though I loved the Lord, He felt distant. Many promises I believed from God were not coming to fruition, and my sources of comfort were being stripped away. Then COVID-19 struck. Internally I told myself we could get through this, having navigated hurricanes and pivots for Sunday services before. However, I was in denial about the challenges facing our young and fragile church. Many members seemed uncertain about their future with the church, and those I thought would be allies were disillusioned and leaving. Meanwhile, I was raising three young children and supporting my wife as she transitioned back to the workforce from being a full-time mom.
I reached a critical juncture without realizing it, imagining life outside pastoral ministry. My heart grew disinterested in the church's future, and I dreamed of other careers and locations. Though I still loved the Lord, serving in ministry felt overwhelming. Despite having a safe space to share these thoughts, I kept them inside, rarely discussing them with my wife, and when I did, it sounded like a definitive direction, which frightened her.
A Turning Point: Seeking God's Presence
During a meeting with another pastor who was helping us consider moving CrossPointe from the YMCA to our current facility, he noticed my despondence and asked if I was okay. I admitted I wasn't, expressing my desire to leave but uncertainty about how to do so. He empathetically shared that God cared more about me as His child than as a pastor and that many pastors were making decisions during COVID that they might regret later.
To help me pursue God's call for my life, he encouraged me to take a sabbatical. He suggested taking a month for prayer, discussion with my wife and loved ones, and even offered to send me to a place for counseling and seeking God's presence. It was crucial to understand what was happening in my heart and bring it before the Lord, crying out for help.
In December 2020, I took a five-week sabbatical. I spent one week alone, except for about ten hours with a counselor in the mountains of Divide, Colorado. I needed to experience God's presence, cry tears of loneliness and desperation, and meet with the Lord. If anyone asked how they could pray for me, I simply asked them to pray that I would experience God's presence.
I needed refuge, safety, and shelter from my struggles inside and outside the church. As I left Orlando for this intense personal encounter with God, I wondered if I would return to hand over CrossPointe, close it down, or pursue something different.
Unexpectedly, God gave me no clear answer about what to do. But experiencing His presence through His word reassured me that no matter what, God is with me. Psalm 121 echoed in my heart: "I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth."
My help comes not from within, my hardest work, best efforts, or self-help. It does not come from creation, as people will fail me, and I will fail them. The church is not my savior and makes a poor idol. My help comes from YAHWEH, who made me, knows me, and called me to Himself. He is my refuge and strength, my very present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1).
Refuge Church: A New Beginning
Since the start of 2021, I have experienced refuge in Christ. As an extension of that refuge, the church has provided the support I need to lead as pastor—a place safe enough to confess sin, secure enough to fail, and supportive enough to join in finding refuge in Christ and proclaiming it to all who seek it in Jesus.
As our leaders gathered to celebrate God's work in our lives, the theme of REFUGE emerged repeatedly. This church has been a refuge pointing to a greater refuge in Christ. I have experienced this myself. I need refuge, and Christ is my refuge. Together we are Refuge Church.